|
Kathleen McKinley |
This post originally appeared on Houstini.com on November 3, 2011.
Kathy McKinley is a self-described “conservative activist” who blogs for the
Houston Chronicle under the monicker “TexasSparkle.” In a
recent post McKinley took the “It Gets Better” project to task for what she believes is their culpability in the suicides of LGBT teens:
“These kids were sold a bill of goods by people who
thought they were being kind. The “It will get better” campaign just
didn’t think it through. They didn’t think about the fact that kids are
different from adults. They handle things differently. They react
differently. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE KIDS. You can grumble all day long
how unfair it is that straight teens can be straight in high school, and
gay kids can’t, but life is unfair. Isn’t the price they are paying too
high?? Is it so much to ask them to stand at the door of adulthood
before they “come out” publically? Because it may save their life.”
McKinnley’s primary confusion about the “It Gets Better” campaign
(other than its name) is the assumption that the goal is to encourage
teens to come out of the closet, or encourage them to become sexually
active:
“Why in the world would you give teenagers a REASON to tease you? Oh, yes, because the adults tell you to embrace who you are, the
only problem? Kids that age are just discovering who they are. They
really have no idea yet. The adults tell you to “come out,” when what we
should be telling them is that sex is for adults, and there is plenty
of time for figuring out that later.”
I would like to encourage Ms. McKinley to watch the “It Gets Better” project’s founder Dan Savages’
video.
Please, Ms. McKinley, listen, and tell me if you hear Savage or his
partner Terry say anything about teens coming out or having sex. I think
what you’ll hear them say is that all of the things that most kids, gay
and straight, dream of (falling in love, starting a family, having the
support of their parents, co-workers and friends) are possible for LGBT
teens. I think you’ll hear them talk about how difficult their teen
years were, and about the fears they had that their parents would reject
them, that they’d never find success and that they’d always be alone.
Choosing to have sex is one of the most personal decision a person
will ever make. For LGBT people, choosing to come out is another. I have
not watched all of the thousands of videos from people who have
participated in the “It Gets Better” project. It’s possible that there
are a few that tell kids to come out right away, or to become sexually
active, but I doubt it.
Every video in the project that I have seen has had the same simple
message: that the person making it understands how tortuously awful the
experience of being Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender in Junior and
High School can be, but there is a wonderful world of loving, vibrant,
successful, engaged LGBT adults out there and if queer teens can just
hang on, just for a few years, they can join it. I doubt that any of the
contributors to the project think that hanging on for a few years will
be easy. I suspect that most of them remember, with excruciating
clarity, contemplating ending those temporary years of terror with a
permanent solution and that is why they choose to reach out.
I grew up without role models, where people like Barbara Gittings,
Bayard Rustin and Harvey Milk didn’t exist . I grew up in a small town
where the two men with the pink house were talked about in hushed tones
that immediately fell silent when I walked into the room, because it
wasn’t appropriate for children’s ears. I grew up in a world where my
mother wouldn’t tell me what “gay” meant, where the evening news was
turned off if it reported on the AIDS crisis, where I wasn’t given words
to describe who I was, and so the only word I could find was “alone.”
I was lucky. My suicide attempt failed.
I was lucky, I survived, and went to college, and found a church that
embraced and loved LGBT people. That’s where I met doctors and lawyers
and business owners and teachers who were like me. That’s where I met
two wonderful women who had built a life together for over 50 years.
That’s where I discovered I wasn’t alone and that being gay didn’t mean
that i couldn’t have all of those things I’d dreamed of.
That is what McKinley missed in her blog post. In her haste to lay
blame on anything other than the overwhelming prejudice perpetuated by
schools, churches and governments against LGBT people McKinley missed
the fact that kids need role models. In her rush to shove queer teens
back into the closet she forgot that human beings need the hope of a
better world, lest they give up in despair.
McKinley got one thing right in her post. She titled it “Are Adults
Also To Blame For Gay Teen Suicides? Yes.” Adults are to blame for LGBT
teen suicides. When adults hide the stunning diversity of God’s creation
from their children they create a vision of reality that some of those
children can’t see themselves in. When adults tell LGBT teens that they
should be invisible then it is all too clear who is to blame when those
teens believe them, and take steps to make themselves invisible
permanently.
To all the LGBT kids out there: it does get better. There are adults
who care about you and want all the wonderful things you dream of to
come true, but you have to hang on. If you need to keep who are secret
to remain safe then do so. If you need someone to talk to please call
the Trevor Project at 866-4-U-Trevor (866-488-7386).